My dearest Mr. Trump and idiot supporters,
I was extremely distressed to hear of your recent decision to pull out of the Paris agreement. I admit my reasons for the agreement to be successful are somewhat selfish but I believed it was in everyone’s interest to come together and make this happen. I understand one of your main reasons for exiting is to save or create jobs. I am finding difficulty in this. I gave you coal in order to advance the civilization in the 19th century. I believe it was named the Industrial Revolution. Looking at my calendar I can see it is now well into the 21st century. You are now able to harness the unlimited power of wind and my friend the sun. Why are you trying to create or save jobs of a dead industry? Let these few people retrain and find new jobs, perhaps in the renewable sector, instead of devoting undue influence to them.
Why must the human race be such a hurry to destroy me? Is it the materialistic culture that has taken over? Everyone needs more money to buy the newest iPhone, or the biggest and newest SUV. Or perhaps it is that trait of only being able to see things from your point of view. It is still cold where I live so global warming isn’t happening. The ocean looks clean when I vacation in Mexico so what they say about plastic filling the sea must be a lie.
I have tried to provide the best I can for your species. Beautiful forests, coral reefs, snow-capped mountains, clean and cool rivers, cute and fluffy animals. Sadly none of this has been enough. My forests get torn down, coral reefs are disappearing, my most remote mountains are being covered in refuse, rivers have been turned to sludge, and animals obliterated. All for what? So you can watch videos of cute animals on a screen instead of in the open. It is enough to make a host upset, and make now mistake about it, you are a guest. Would you be the same kind of guest in a hotel room? Of course you would, I have seen how you treat things that are not yours. So I shouldn’t be surprised that you abuse and use me, but remember one thing, I am in charge. No matter how important you think you are I am the one in charge. When I get fed up all I need to do is shake, start a fire, make it rain, or conjure up some wind and you all become helpless. Judging by this current decision of the most important of your countries(and the desire to get rid of my beloved EPA) I believe I will have to be more active in the name of self defense.
Forever(I hope) yours,